March 18, 2019
Today is the exact two months before our wedding date on May 18, 2019. I really wish that there is still a wedding to go, a happy ending of our prolonged love story for seven years, a miracle from God who opens the way through his mother’s heart. But unfortunately, it has become my own plan at my timetable, rather than God’s plan.
After the last time I wrote “A Love Story [Part 4]”, it has been a journey of waiting, enjoying a company of each other between me and my partner, and spending time with each of our families. We really have been hopeful for the miracle to come since his mother’s attitude in 2017 had improved much better. But each time discussion of marriage was brought up, she always refused and ignored it. Last year in August 2018, by the blessing of his father, we took a step of faith to prepare the wedding even with uncertainty of approval from his mother’s side.
Throughout the preparation, I felt heavy for the uncertainty lies ahead. I cannot describe it as a happy bride-to-be situation since there was always something missing in this.. the blessing of his mother. Each time I secured a vendor deal, I also made up my mind this must keep going on. We have put our efforts and resources fully to make this dream wedding comes true. As the wedding date came closer, the problem with his mother became more inevitable. Her heart grew harder to resist this marriage because merely we are separated by three-years age gap and I am older than him [there is a Chinese belief if a couple is separated by three years age gap they will face difficulties in marriage]. I have to admit that I had been swayed along the vibes of making a beautiful wedding, which always had become my dream since a little girl. Our attitude from expecting a complete blessing from parents had turned into ignorance of it. I argued that, “We are adults. We can make the decision by our own. Moreover her reason for objection is unreasonable and ungrounded.” So we keep going on … we have planned the wedding, honeymoon, and even prepared our future home.
One day, my partner started to share his fear regarding marriage without blessing from a parent can cause the couple face tremendous disaster in the future, such as bankruptcy, illness, and so on. He would feel very guilty if he dragged me into a problematic life, different from the kind of life he used to promise me. His fear was very real and very huge. He started to regard his mother’s blessing is mandatory in order for us to live well in the future. So he tried to talk to his mom over and over again, yet she still persists on her rejection. Some other time, he also shared honestly how he grew further from God and because of the pressures of the marriage to come, he became even lazier to read the Bible. He became disappointed with God not to deliver the miracle He long ago promised to us. He said that he could not promise me when he would ever go back again to his faith. I became to doubt. I have been trying to accept all of these not ideal situations. I have been trying to accept his unloveable mom. I have been trying to accept the fact that my marriage might not be able to be blessed by my home church since the blessings of parents are mandatory. But can I accept the fact that my partner is on his lowest point while entering this marriage, the possibility of he may not recover? I still try to reason, “Well, marriage itself has its ups and downs. Though I am not sure if I want to start at right from the bottom from the very beginning…” I began to doubt, too. “Maybe he is right. Maybe this wedding is based on our own time, not God’s timing.” Surely we didn’t ask God whether this is the right time for us to marry or not. Since we have been waiting for so long, I have to admit that my impatience was kicking me out to do something and make a progressive action rather than being passive.
We have asked help from a pastor whom I know to bless our marriage, but the church whom he used to ask for help suddenly was shut down. My partner regarded that as a bad sign. Two weeks ago, I eventually also cried over a song titled “Even If” -sung by MercyMe. I felt compelled in my heart to lay down my “dream wedding thing” in the altar before the Lord. He was asking me to sacrifice that dream since it has consumed my heart and turned me from Him. The lyrics says,
“I know You’re able and I know You can.
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand.
But even if You don’t, my hope is You alone.”
I know exactly how easy for God to turn around the situation. But even if He doesn’t, I shall hope in Him alone. It means that is not God’s will.
And the last confirmation came.. email from Faith after her 6 years of silence.
March 8, 2019
When God placed a fence to look after and protect you, the last thing you want to do is to jump or look around to find a way past the fence.
A shepherd will enter through the door, while a wolf will try to find another way to enter the house.
It’s been a long time since we communicate to each other, it seems that you and your partner had already planned for a long-term commitment relationship, but the big problem remains here and now both of you wondering which way to go.
The problem you faced doesn’t show any signs of improvement and the difficult situation is now takes its toll in your partner’s mind, his faith shattered, affected by complicated situation that have been going on for several years.
Now, when it seems reaches a dead end, both of you are starting to try to find another way out that looks much easier, even though deep inside your heart and soul, you know this is not an ideal love story you wanted at the first place.
This is what the LORD says
“Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from their flesh and heart turns away from the LORD”
I don’t know what both of you are trying to do, but it looks like you are looking for a way to jump over a fence with helps of other people.
Right now, You feel like you don’t know him anymore, but it’s more because he doesn’t even know himself anymore.
Leticia, you know the vision, mission, and calling for your life, it’s a crystal clear things for you. Yet currently, it seems that your partner had lost his way, his vision and mission had begun to differ, wander from yours.
His struggle regarding relationship with his parent, disappointment after years of waiting, has made him as an indecisive man, full of fear and anxiety, his relationship quality with God also somewhat decreased and suddenly his faith vanish into a thin air.
As a potential family head and your spiritual leader, he has to show you that he is more than capable to lead you when it comes to relationship with God, something he can’t do it because he is now struggling with himself.
You don’t want to wade through an ocean with a fearful captain and a wrecked ship. If he doesn’t know where he wants to go and sail with emotionally wrecked soul, one of two things will happen, either you will arrive at a wrong island or the ship sink in the middle of an ocean.
Certainly, at this stage, he is still a good man, but remember that you also have responsibility for your calling. At current stage of his life, not only he is unable to help you reach your calling, but he can also being a barrier for you to reach it, because he will carry over his current complicated problem to the next stage of your relationship. You need more than a good man, you need a Godly man.
Before you push further with your own ways and plans, you should read 1 Samuel 13, when King Saul pushed his own ways and timetable.
King Saul was anointed by God but somehow he lost it and David was chosen by God to be the new King of Israel. God wants to give the best for Israel and of course, He also wants to give His David for you.
Don’t settle for Leah, when you can get Rachel.
Jacob once did experienced a frustration when he felt he had wasted 7 years in vain and then tricked by Laban, but in the end he got Rachel.
You may feel sad and wondering whether you have wasted your spring season, but your God said on Joel 2:25
“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten, the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm, my great army that I sent among you”
“Instead of your shame, you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace, you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.”
Leticia, if you feel you have done the right thing, but God hasn’t answer your prayer or answered, but not according to your wishes, then you just have to accept it.
Marriage is 1 time and lifetime decision, you have to make sure you marry a right person at the right time.
God has a brighter future plan for you, filled with hope, just like what He said in Jeremiah 29.
Leticia, you just have to wait and see beautiful things God has already prepared for you.
With much love
If you keep up with our early love story post, you know that email from Faith was also God’s confirmation for us to walk down this path although we face uncertainty ahead. She gave us hope for God’s miracle if we walk in obedience, sanctify one another, and grow in the Lord in order to fulfil God’s mission and vision which assigned to us. This email was a rebuke for what we have done and how my partner’s vision now differs from mine. In 2012, she did warn us that if we disobey, God is able to separate us. Which now eventually God does. This email lifted up the first confirmation that God meant us to be together and giving another confirmation that we are no longer meant to be together … yes, it is a sad truth and hard reality indeed.
I know that every love story suppose to end with a happy ending. Moreover after miraculous confirmation and how God intervenes at the very start of our beginning. But now I can see just how important it is to be faithful and obedient to God after the confirmation too. You don’t merely rely on God while you are seeking for his confirmation whether someone is good as your life partner or not; but you also need to rely on God daily afterwards. Always put trust in him, rather than human’s help. What hit me really hard was the fact that my partner is no longer the same vision as I do, which threaten God’s calling in my life might never come true.
My God’s calling has always been building a Godly marriage and helping others to do so as well. You know that we cannot build a Godly marriage alone. It takes a partnership. God’s calling is like a baby inside my womb, have never given a chance to be born yet. I am willing to protect it with all my might, whatever the cost. So we decided to … cancel the wedding. 2 months before the wedding date.
“…to obey is better than to sacrifice…” – 1 Samuel 15:22 [NIV]
My feeling right now is like the one experienced by Job,
“...the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” – Job 1:22 [NIV]
The Lord has given us his confirmation seven years ago, now he has taken it away… I did it at the first place because I obeyed God, although my logic screaming “NO”. I had always been a logic woman who never want to waste my time in a relationship without blessing from parents. But I said, “YES” seven years ago because I trust in God’s promise and I obey His guidance. Now, I ended this relationship, because I also trust in what God says and obey wherever he leads me. Surely uncertainty lies ahead. Being single again at almost 30 years old. But I know he has greater purpose behind this tragedy. He has provided me a better plan and that plan will makes my God given dreams come true. Again… I definitely say “YES” to it..
…to be continued…