One of my favourite TV Reality Show is Master Chef US. I love seeing people cook passionately as they pursue their dreams. After watching it, I was inspired to learn cooking by myself as well haha.. I started to watch some Youtube videos about the basics in cooking. What I love most is what Gordon Ramsay said in one of the episode of his Ultimate Cooking Course: “When you cut your ingredients, use your three-fingers-rule to hold it and start to cut it slowly. Don’t worry about the speed. If you get the basic right, speed will come along.“
It is kind of reminding me about the basic of piano when I learned when I was teenager. When I started to play piano, all I wanted was to learn a new song every week. I disliked practicing for fingering (which is not in a form of song). It consisted of a lot of repetition of tones that are close in its position to strengthen your fingers. All great piano players started with that since they were very young. But what I wanted was skipping that part and learning difficult songs right away. As you may guess, it didn’t work well. I might be able to play the song, but not as good as people who has more refined techniques and strong fingers. I think most of us who has a nature of being impatient struggle with this kind of stuff in many areas of life. We don’t want spend a lot of time to learn about the basics, all we want is to go to the advanced stuff so that we can be perform cool in front of others.
Unfortunately, this also happened in church life. You may often hear, “All we want is to get married, don’t tell us to join pre-marital classes to be fed up with lots of theories. We want to just do it and let it flow. We love each other. We can get married NOW.” Or you may also hear, “I can preach! I know lots of stuff in the Bible. I can preach NOW.” Wow.. such impatience can really lead us to disaster! Why? Because it is like building a tall building without a strong foundation. It just cannot be. Even if it can stand tall by now, it is only a matter of time, when trouble hits, it will be destroyed. Imagine if we start to cut the ingredients as if we are a Master Chef when we have zero experience with the knife. We tried to cut it as fast as we can just like what we watch in TV. We don’t want to cut it slow like a snail. We ignore the bla-bla-bla rules of how to cut properly and all we think about is the speed. We may cut our finger accidentally as a result.
Imagine, if we enter marriage without enough knowledge and skills about how to build a great marriage. Many failed marriages around us should make us think that marriage is not easy. There were things that they did which eventually make their marriages failed. And there must be also things that we can do to make it work. How can we know? We can steal the precious lessons when we learn from those who have a great marriage! And the more we learn before we marry, the better preparation and the stronger foundation we have to move ahead.
As another example, imagine if we preach just out of knowledge without enough good practical example and character that we have lived in our own life. People will see our double-life and soon they will not listen anymore to our teaching. Why? Because people will respect what they see more than what they hear from us. So, if this is not the time for us to appear in front of public, call it a preparation phase to build our character, which will be a strong foundation in our future ministry. So, first thing first. Build the foundation of everything in your life, before you build anything.
We have known that foundation is so important. Now, what does a strong foundation look like? The Bible always points Jesus Christ as the foundation of everything. As believers, Jesus is ought to be the centre of our lives. A strong marriage is the one who place Jesus as the centre and build up after his wills.
“For by him all things are created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities -all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” -Colossians 1:16-17 (ESV).
“The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” -Psalm 18:2 (NIV)
We have seen many people tend to rush in building their dreams with least preparation or wrong foundation. For example, many people enter marriage with weak motives such as, “Because my age is already 29.” Many don’t realise that such weak motives can create cracks on the building of marriage they are going to build. The most common question which is being asked by psychologist when they face problematic couple is, “Why did you marry at the first place?” Weak motives are weak foundation and no wonder the road will get bumpier in days to come. So, first thing first. Find the WHY before you make every huge decision in life. And make the WHY become your strong statement so that each time you are tempted to give up in the middle, you can go back and be strengthened with it.
If you ask me why I choose to marry, I will give these answers:
1. Because I want to build a Godly marriage, family, and home. A marriage that will glorify God and become blessing for others. A marriage that will inspire others to love their spouse in the way God wants it.
2. Because I trust completely in my partner and together we can build a stronger partnership for ministry.
3. Because I want to grow more in Christ-like characters. I am fully aware that marriage will become the toughest school of character in life, yet it will also be the most rewarding. I realise that in order to make a great marriage, I have to die to self. I have to say goodbye to my ego, I have to serve, sacrifice, and prioritise my spouse and others to bring harmony at home and glory to God. I am also aware that marriage comes with a huge responsibility. I honestly feel that I haven’t ready yet to do it now and I manage to focus on keep building my character as foundation later on so that once I enter marriage I am already a fully grown woman (cannot be perfect for sure!) and mature in Christ so I will be more equipped to be Godly wife and mother.
These reasons may sound so ideal. But as we have discussed before, we need to set up the WHY so strong at the very beginning so that when we are tempted to give up, we can re-focus again and gain strength for the long haul.
Your marriage and your dreams in the end are not about YOU. It’s all about JESUS. The question is not: “How can my marriage makes me happy? How can my dreams make me happy?” But instead, “How can God’s name be glorified through my marriage and dreams?” Many do whatever it takes to reach their success in life, but do we do whatever it takes to please God in every area of our lives? First thing first. Behind everything you do, aim for pleasing God in every step of it. Thereby, we won’t be confused of taking the wrong steps where God clearly won’t guide us to do. If our role are as husbands and wives, aim to be the best spouse we could ever be. If our role are businessmen, aim to be the successful one while maintaining integrity in the eyes of God. In everything … do as if unto the LORD.
“Whatever you do, work it with all your heart, as working for the LORD, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” -Colossians 3:23-24 [NIV]
The fact that we have built a strong foundation and aimed for pleasing the Lord in everything we do doesn’t mean that we are immune from calamities, suffering, and failure in the eyes of the world. The fact that we live in a fallen world will keep being our background of our daily lives. We will be different from the majority who do things in worldly ways. We may be considered weird, odd, ‘holy’, conventional, and many others. We may be even mocked or get into trouble simply because we are different from them. That’s why we need to keep back on trusting the Lord day by day. First thing first. The whole journey of life is not about how many people you please. It is not how many achievements you get from the world. It is not about how much money you earn. It is a constant journey of trusting the Lord from the beginning until the end. Do we believe that the Lord will protect us from any harm? Do we believe that if I refuse to do things in worldly ways, God will reward me? Do we believe that God’s peace will abide in us in spite of our circumstances? Do we believe that God will provide for whatever we need?
“For in the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “BUT THE RIGHTEOUS man SHALL LIVE BY FAITH.”
Our whole journey of live began with faith in God and will end with faith also. Stay steadfast on your faith in God. Believe that God is good no matter what. Because with such strong and steady faith, we can conquer every suffering of the world and every attacks from the enemy. Of course, it doesn’t make any sense to our logic to believe the goodness of God when everything in our lives go from bad to worse. I have to admit that it is difficult. You know what I did when I face difficulties in life? I poured out my heart to God. My sorrow, my complaints, everything. I am honest with the Lord. I will tell Him when it is painful. I will cry. I live as a normal human being when facing difficulties. But after that, I will come back in track. I will seek what is God’s will for me at that moment. I will find my refuge back in His faithfulness which has been proven for thousands of years in the Scripture. I learn to be grateful and to praise Him even though it is hard. And I believe, by doing that, I grow. I grow stronger in my faith with the Lord and more intimate with Him. King David, a man after God’s own heart, wrote so many complaints to God in the book of Psalms. But I like his attitude after delivering those complaints, he would go back to praise God and declared his trust on Him.
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from my cries of anguish?
My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, but I find no rest.
Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the one Israel praises.
In you our ancestors put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
To you they cried out and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not put to shame.”
-Psalm 22:1-5 [NIV]
There is nothing please God more than when we trust in Him. Trust will lead to obedience to His Word (because we trust that His Words will be a great recipe to solve ALL of our problems even it doesn’t happen in our time, but His time!)
First thing first. Build such a strong foundation in our lives although it will require us to have a long preparation. Do everything as if unto the Lord and make it a purpose for us to pursue. And trust God’s faithfulness and goodness no matter what. By then, we will grow strong in the Lord and live a life in a way that will give a meaning to God and others.
Photos by Jennifer Phelps Photography and Axioo